Falon’s World

Before I met Eric I was a cynical, pessimistic and rather bitchy individual. LOL I can imagine people thinking “oh yeah, and what’s changed?” but things have changed!   I’ve worked really hard to be content with the things that I have – “It is better to want what you have than to strive to have what you want” – Ok, that’s not the exact quote but I like my way better. Anyway, I’ve been trying really hard to live that. I’ve been working on being more optimistic, giving people the benefit of the doubt and overall choosing to shrug off the little things and be happy with my lot in life. I think I’ve made a lot of progress and those that are close to me have noticed the difference and commented on it – which makes me feel good.

It’s especially noticeable now that I’m out of school and Eric and I have more “down time” to spend together – aka time where I can actually hang out and not do homework. He’s always been the laid back “nice” one and now I can see him grappling with the changes that I’ve made in myself. Not that they’re bad, but that they’re different. He’ll be braced for a certain comment and already be responding to it before he realizes that is not the way that I am actually reacting. It’s taking some time for us to work on this new balance – but I’m enjoying the journey because ultimately it’s leaving me less stressed and feeling pretty good about myself – something I seemed to always be against before…not sure why but I am sure it’s healthier this way.

These changes have led to me being truly happy for the first time in a long time. I don’t mean the fleeting happiness that comes with a surprise, or a job well done, but the kind of contentment that carries through even crappy days. I have finally achieved that…sometimes it still takes some thought to carry through, it is becoming easier with the practice, although I have by no means perfected it and still have my pessimistic moments (hopefully not as frequent as time goes on…).

It makes problem solving a hell of a lot easier – a side-effect I did not expect. Overall, life is good…and I have several people to thank for it – which I think is also important, letting those that are effecting you in such monumental ways know that it’s appreciated:

My Parents – for standing by me no matter what and for letting me grow the way I needed to.

Eric – for adapting and loving me for who I am, no matter how much that has changed or how difficult the process. For all of the support and for the optimism that I modeled off of.

Rebecca – for being my first true friend in a very long time and helping me find that line between happy and…dumb? lol.

My dogs – for being there through the ups and downs as I made these changes, happy to see me no matter what mood I was in and for always being willing to work for me, even when they thought it was stupid.

ETA: I’m also getting a decent handle on my temper – trying to not hang onto a mad without a good reason and to tamp it down to a reasonable level regardless – this is harder than it may seem because I have a wicked temper…